I have had a challenging past week and a half with dental issues/procedures. Seems like my teeth have decided to rally against me all at the same time. Fortunately I have found a great dentist in the SouthSide of town by the name of Ronald DiCarlo. What prompts me to write about this is this: even though I’ve been being drilled on for what seems like hours at a time (but it’s not quite that long), for more days in a week and a half than most people put in at the dentist in a couple years…and even though my face was feeling like it was vibrating to the point of loosening itself and falling off, (even though there really wasn’t any pain)…it was actually a piece of cake, compared to what I had gone through in my ferility treatments. Once you go through all of the probing and proding and invasive fertilty testing and surgeries…guess what!? Everything else becomes easier.

For example, I went to Long Island for two treatments that someone had told me about after seeing it on Oprah. These were treatments that were to open ones tubes nonsurgically. As I laid there, they had a drip going into me for an approximate 2 hour period…a  special ‘formula’ comprised of antibiotics and other magical components (that my memory has erased)…plowing through the blockage. This doesn’t sound like such a painful treatment to go through, as you just lay there and let that thing drip away. But for some reason, it was excruciating. I pretty much laid there and breathed so deeply that I hypervenilated (and that took place in between loud screaming!..no kidding!) It felt like fire going through my lower area into my abominal region. I was to go back for a third treatment, and the morning we were to leave I told my husband I just couldn’t do it again. It was just too torturous. Afterward I was unable to stand up straight for about 24 hours. The doctor proclaimed it successful, however, as the drip kept going. If my tubes weren’t opening, it would have backed up. This is just ONE example of some of the pain I endured in my quest to become pregnant. I would say that this was one of my top five most painful procedures, if I were to rate them.

So, if there is any good to come from all of that yuck we go through (sometimes for years and years and years), then maybe it’s that it makes us so much stronger to face other issues, whether they be health related or even traumatic in nature. It’s one positive effect of a very negative situation. I hope any of you who have been through this, understand what I’m saying and feel the same way. It’s a walk in the park compared to the 9 1/2 years of sporatic torture I’d been through (mental and physical.) So drill on, Dr. DiCarlo! Drill on! ….Peace.

In the reading I’m doing of this funny and oh-so-true book, InVitro Fertility Goddess by Jodi Panayotov, I’m reminded of how this whole infertility battle effects the entire family. She talks about the ‘pressure cooker’ feeling…a feeling building up and waiting to explode…the extra rough emotions that start surrounding us this time of year as the holiday seasons are approaching. When there are no grandchildren to share Christmas with, and everyone ELSE seems to have grandchildren, it really can effect those grandparents-in-waiting. You see it in the malls, you see it on the streets…the parents and grandparents shopping, looking at the holiday windows and the trips to Santa. It can be doubly heart-wrenching, and you just want to escape to some island or to another planet, where you can get away from it all.  But you never do. It’s always there.

Infertility effects the entire family. I hope that if you are going through this, YOUR family treats you kindly and with great sensitivity, until you can finally have the holidays you desire…the Halloweens where you can have your little ones to dress up, the Thanksgivings that make sense, (for you truly have something to be thankful for), and the true Christmas (or Hanuka) joy you’ve been dreaming of. That is what I wish you all.

I had received an email a while back from a listener that, first of all, suggested I watch a movie entitled Facing The Giants. She wrote that it isn’t exactly a movie focusing on an infertility struggle, but it does touch that issue. For those of us who have been forced to face infertility, we won’t miss even a few seconds in any movie or documentary or article that happens to touch even ever so briefly on the issue. My listener, named Sue, recommended this movie, and I hope to catch it sometime, as I’m always interested in how they expose the subject. YOU might want to check it out too. Thanks for the suggestion, Sue!

She also asked me a question that left me pondering. It was this question that prompted me to post this blog. She asked me if I’d recommend doing IVF from my personal experience. My gut reaction was, not really, as, of course, it didn’t work for me. Then I realized that whatever any of us had success in, resulting in motherhood, THAT is what we are most likely going to recommend. So if I HAD had success with IVF, I’m sure I’d be a lot more excited about that whole adventure and would be highly recommending it.  But MY successful path ended up being adoption.  And I absolutely recommend adoption! There is no better thing that I have done in my life than the adoption of our little Hailey Rose. And I can’t imagine ever feeling in my lifetime, that I’ve accomplished anything greater than that. Yesterday was the very first time Hailey Rose said, “I love you, Mommy” to me. And let me tell you, friends…every single moment, every ounce of pain, every emotional roller coaster and every drop of blood, sweat and tears that I had gone through, was completely washed away, and I was lifted into a new ethereal realm of mommyhood that will resonate within me forever. I just had to share that with you. And my hope is that you feel that level of joy yourself someday soon.

But regarding secondary infertility, we must talk more about that on the show. I think these women have it especially hard, because there must times when women like me who have NEVER had a child, might make mention of the fact that a secondary woman should be happy she HAS a child…resulting in less sympathy, less understanding. But secondary infertility is just as difficult. NO ONE should struggle with infertility, but this isn’t a perfect world. So we must ALSO be sensitive to the women that are striving for another child to complete their family, and can’t understand why it happened easily once, and now … nothing. Secondary infertility sometimes seems to get lost in the shuffle…let us not forget these sisters of ours who also need encouragement, a shoulder to lean on and our prayers.

I have been sent books to review for this podcast, and I have to say that it is always some of the best reading…..the writings of those who have been through personal battles and have come out alive and well, with success at the end of their struggle. It is always inspirational and encourages those of us in the same boat….this particular boat being that of infertility.

I’ve been reading a book that was sent to me from Australia written by Jodi Panayotov entitled InVitro Fertility Goddess. Jodi manages to find humor in every twist and turn of her battle to motherhood. Being published as recently as June of 2007, it’s hot off the press. And it looks to me like it will be one of the books I’d recommend reading, and one I’d put on my list of gift suggestions for those of us looking for thoughtful holiday gift ideas for those on our list that are in the midst of this delicate time in their lives. I look forward to giving you more on this book as soon as my ’Angel of Time’ allows me what is needed to complete the book. (Evelyn Wood I am not!) But rest assured, that one way or another, (with possibly a one-on-one chat with Jodi Panayotov herself!), I will be talking more about this in the not too distant future. (Thanks be to the Heavens above for giving us struggling women the gift of OTHER women, who want to share, give us hope, and give us a damn good laugh or two in the process!)

Before I get into this crazy chat about the uterus, I want to add a notation here for those of you that have an interest in reaching Monica Marks, the current guest on our show, who is now a Pittsburgh rep for A Labor of Love Adoptions. Her e-mail address is monica_alaboroflove@yahoo.com. (that’s an underscore after Monica) Feel free to contact her with any questions you might have regarding adoption, and she’ll be happy to help.

Now I recently had a chat with a woman named Angel Baney. She co-owns Centre Ave. Massage and Spa in the Shadyside area of Pittsburgh. You may remember me mentioning a special massage I was going to be experiencing, that is known to help with menstrual issues AND infertility struggles! Well, what a chat it was!  She will be my guest on 2 shows beginning October 19th, and she has SUCH a story of her own to share, plus this incredible work she does for women!

You see, Angel will actually show YOU how to do this massage technique on yourself if and when you schedule YOUR Arvigo massage session with her…. which she did with me. I performed the massage this past month on myself, not even as frequently as was recommended, but I DID try to get it in most mornings and nights, only 1 minute each session. And let me tell you! Not to be sooooo personal here, but WHAT A DIFFERENCE in my current menstral cycle! Wow! Nothing brown, everything red, NO cramping, NO PMS! Holy moly batman! I can’t believe it! Now I will have to continue on to see if this remains to be the case each and every month, but hey! I’m just thrilled for this month, as it was the first month for me to attempt this, and the first month that I’ve had such a ‘good one’!

It DOES make sense that our uterus should be sitting properly. And it DOES make sense that when many of us are told our uteruses are tilted, that we question ‘what can I do about that?’. But even though I was told that throughout my entire life (and reminded again in my infertility sessions), I NEVER thought to question it. NOW I learn we can do something about ‘her’, and help ‘her’ to re-align and sit where her pretty little self should be!..which could definitely be of help in the quest to conceive!

This is non-invasive stuff, and should be done ever so gently. It was the softest, most gentle massage I had ever had. And it was THE most effective…not only in the quest for proper uterine placement, but also in my quest for relaxation. It was divine! Angel does magic with her hands. 

So please check out part 2 of our fun and entertaining chat with Monica, beginning this Friday, Oct. 5th, and mark your calendars for Angel’s chat on October 19th. What women we are blessed with on this show! Infertility doesn’t have a chance when we are armed with a wealth of knowledge in EVERY aspect of the various roads to motherhood!

A long time ago, before I had even started to try to conceive, I knew of a woman named Mary Beth that had been through many miscarriages. She told me that she purchased a little baby outfit from a baby boutique and hung it out in the open in her house, to state to the universe that she WAS going to have a baby…one way or another.  She wasn’t going to be denied, no matter what it took.

Many years later, when I found out I was going to be facing infertility issues, a friend of mine (ALSO having the same struggle) and I went to one of OUR favorite baby boutiques, and did the same thing. You see, Mary Beth DID eventually get her baby…through adoption, and then 2 conceptions. (I hope to have her as a guest someday, as hers is ANOTHER amazing story!) So Sue and I bought our little outfits, and I went a step further and actually created a little vignette of sorts (or a little alter, if you will), of things I started to collect, or items that had a deep meaning for me regarding my journey to my baby. The woman who owned the boutique actually got to hear the story of my friend Sue, and me, and why we were there (lucky her!). And so she gave us each a medallion…a guardian angel specifically for a new baby that hung over or on a crib. It was silver with an ecru ribbon…very beautiful. So, THAT went in my vignette with my new baby outfit. Two things displayed, showing the universe and God himself, that I KNEW in my heart that this WILL happen, and that nothing else would be acceptable. Well Sue got to her baby before me, (and is going for number 2 now), but my little vignette stayed in place for many years.

I’m writing this, because YESTERDAY, for the first time, my baby girl wore that little outfit. It was a very heart-touching moment for me…seeing her in the outfit that was my first physical claim that SOMEDAY there will be a baby in my life. I just cried when I saw her in it. (It was sized at 24-months…that’s why she couldn’t wear it sooner.) And I thought to myself, no one would ’get’ this moment, except Sue and Mary Beth. But then I saw my husband look at me, and he knew. And then I realized, yes, any woman who is going through infertility issues would understand and know what that moment meant to me. And so, I wanted to share it with you all…and the reminder to stand your ground. You can do this, if you so desire. Kick your infertility in the ass. YOU are bigger than it. REFUSE TO BE DENIED.    

On part 2 of our next show (which begins airing October 5), our guest, Monica, talks about what happened to her regarding a failed adoption. I don’t mean to repeat myself, but it’s SO true…that when it comes to infertility, the challenges and disappoints we face can seem never-ending on multiple levels.

Imagine this: you’ve had one successful adoption, and you are going for one more to complete your family. Then a baby comes to you, very quickly, and you not only get baby #2, but one of the ways you celebrate this, is as a ‘gift’ for son #1…telling him that, for his 2nd birthday, he is getting a little sister. The son is SO excited, and on his birthday video, there is your completed family…you, your husband, big brother and baby sister!…only to find out that a few days later, birthmom has changed her mind! So every time you view your son’s 2nd birthday video, there is the baby sister that had to ‘leave’! 

Listen to the show to find out what happened next, and how one can get through a failed adoption, but pick up the pieces and go on. We are women of determination, and that is what Monica is! Yes, these things DO happen sometimes…but the successful adoptions happen much more often. Monica was strong enough to realize that THAT just wasn’t her baby, even though she wanted it to be.  She is a pillar of strength and encouragement, and she WON her infertility battle. YOU can too.  

A Happy Autumn to you all! I wanted to post a few thoughts about something that I was reminded of lately, and that is the fact that, even though us reproductively challenged women don’t physically experience pregnancy, we actually seem to go through a DIFERENT pregnancy of sorts. Throughout all of our infertility treatments, our testings, our shrink appointments (not ALL of us, but SOME of us seek that help), and then…for example, in the case of adoption…the paperwork, the organizing of photographs for one’s profile, and the writing of that profile, then the submission, hoping to be chosen by a birthmom, and, of course, the waiting….THIS is OUR pregnancy. We may not have the morning sickness, nor the weight gain nor the contractions, but we have the emotional pain, the sometimes physical pain (ie. surgeries, recoveries, etc.), and the mental anguish. (not to mention the envy and jealousy that can arise that is beyond our control, when we have friends and family members coming out of the woodwork having babies.) And sometimes OUR pregnancies require SO much patience, it’s a damn joke! Some of us go through YEARS and YEARS of pregnancy! But guess what!? We DO finally have our baby. One way or another. If we stay strong and stick to our convictions. And then…we realize our “pregnancy” was worth it all.

Please let me know how YOUR journey is going. Let’s kick this infertility hell in its butt, and find our alternative routes to our babies. You are tough; you are strong; and you are a mommy. Hang in there. The baby you are to have is coming. Keep remembering that. Love and peace to you all.  

Just a few words from Shola in London that I wanted to pass on to you, so you can apply them… if you wish.  A few added efforts you can make regarding your conception attempts:  1. After making love, stay in bed for a few minutes longer than normal. (This gives sperm more opportunities to reach your egg.)  2. Avoid the use of artificial detergents, tampons and lubricants to achieve the best possible environment for the sperm to thrive.  3. If either you or your partner are taking prescription meds (or even over the counter drugs), ask the pharmacist to check if those could have any effect on your fertility.  {and I find the following two to be quite interesting}  4. Try not to swim while ovulating, as the chlorine may affect the chemical balance of your vagina and wash away any vaginal mucus. (wow!..sorry I didn’t know that to share with you during the warmer months!)  and 5. Saliva can kill sperm, so be sure not to allow your partner to perform oral on you while ovulating.      Yes, friends, it’s true…this infertility stuff can really cause havoc on our lives! (in more ways than one could imagine!)  So just some information to ponder and possibly apply to your attempts at your journeys to motherhood!

I hope you are all having a gorgeous Saturday morning, as we are having here in Pittsburgh. Thanks to all of you who have sent comments to this blog. I am sorry I haven’t had time to respond to each one personally, but I DO appreciate the time you’ve taken to read and to write, and the great thoughts you share.  I love you all, and please keep connected.  Peace.

I was recently reminded of the importance of taking care of ourselves and our inner child, and I wanted to share this with you. Since becoming a mommy, I haven’t really taken too many girlfriend excursions. My daughter isn’t one that’s carted off to a sitter very often. So when my dear friend, Myra, was recently in town, we had an evening that is something I don’t experience often these days…and that’s one, without baby, somewhat carefree, just catching up and treating ourselves. The evening was one spent at one of my favorite places in Pittsburgh…Phipps Conservatory and Botanical Gardens. There is currently an exhibit at Phipps entitled “Chihuly at Phipps.” For those of you who don’t know, Dale Chihuly is an internationally known glass artist who’s work graces the globe. All among the absolutely gorgeous rooms and gardens at Phipps, Chihuly’s glass art is scattered throughout. It is a site to behold! You can view this throughout the day, or do as we did, and see it lit up at night!

After this magical evening (which took us about 3 hours to go through and chat about), I went home feeling refreshed and visually uplifted. It reminded me of when I took in another amazing art show back when I was at one of my lowest points in my infertility struggle.  This time recently, when I awoke the next morning, I could actually feel the resonating effects of the night before, feeling more awakened, relaxed and alive.  That is what happened when I allowed myself to take an evening, back in my dark days, and treated my eyes to beautiful art.  It was a moment in time away from the harsh reality that I was facing regarding my attempts to become a mommy.

When we are reproductively challenged, we have a tendency to dwell day in and day out, 24/7, on our dillema.  At least that is what I had done, as did many women whom I knew personally. 

Please try to give yourself any pampering moments that you can, especially if you are in this infertility struggle. Escape to a gallery, or a spa or a country road…whatever and wherever you find some peace and are able to remove yourself and your mind, if even for an hour. Your health will benefit from it, and who knows?….when you’re not looking, and your involved in what YOU consider to be beautiful in this world…you just might find a miracle at your doorstep as well!